“Ao3 needs an algorithm” no it doesn’t, part of the ao3 experience is scrolling through pages of cursed content looking for the one fic you want to read until you get distracted by a summary so cursed that it completely derails your entire search
house treats a dog trainer who says she has a 100% success rate for helping angry dogs and make them quiet and nice. house argues about how it cant be exactly 100% and wont stop being annoying about it. He brings in a literally feral rabid dog and she like makes it calm and lie down . House is disturbed by this because he wanted to be right that she sucks at stuff. (B-plot: house and the team sees if house can be trained with a dog clicker.) they break into her house and they find loads of dog pheromones and learn she has been wearing it like a perfume to calm down dogs. she thinks this is fine and theres no link but they think she is having a freaky reaction to it. but they take the pheromones away and she starts dying harder. house is really mad and has dinner with wilson, where he is complaining about how this lady is a charlatan but he doesnt understand what’s going on while eating out of a bowl of kibble like nothings wrong with it. wilson is watching him intently, as is the rests of the team who is watching from afar. house says his food is really yummy and insists wilson tries some and wilson is like “NO I CANT.” and house is like no you have to. you have to eat it. and wilson is like HOUSE STOP WE’VE BEEN CLICKERING YOU TO MAKE YOU EAT DOG FOOD. and house MAKES him eat a spoonful and hes like “… cocoa puffs..?” and house smirtks smartly as he demonstrates that he knew about their silly trick. “i know you guys are watching…. come out.”(the team is slowly emerging) “don’t worry . i dont bite anymore —“ he pauses and does a house stare and walks away to the sick lady’s room. cameron pours wilson a little milk for his cereal.“20%.” he walks into the room smartly. the patient is miffed and is about to say she doesn’t want to argue about percentages literally on her death bed. but house is like “no. 20% actually refers to the number of dog bites that get infected. You got bit by a dog and never got treated for it and ingredients in the dog pheromone solution were slowing it down. (?? im not a scientist) “ and he says something stupid like “sometimes a dog’s bark really is worse than its bite” and walks out. music starts playing. chase expresses he is mad about what cameron pouring milk for wilson means for them because cameron used to pour milk for her dead husband and he thinks she isnt over him. house walks out and reaches into his pocket and sneakily eats a hand ful of kibble
